When you first hear about unforgiveness, you may think you are not holding unforgiveness but here is the test:
1. Unforgiveness always keeps scores and tabs
2. It boasts about what it does
3. Complaining about how you were treated
4. Alienates, divides and separates...withdrawing from people
5. Accuses, exposes and brings up the faults of others
6. Displays negative emotions like anger, jealousy and resentment
Think about the following:
1. How do you react when you hear their name or think about them?
2. How do you feel when you hear something good has happened to them?
3. Do you rejoice when you hear that evil has befallen them?
4. If they try to apologize, do you rehearse what they did to you and try to make them feel guilty?
Detecting unforgiveness is crucial because when it takes root it leads to bitterness and resentment. Offense is the bait used to lure us in the unforgiveness trap. It is not always about the other person, sometimes we are just having a bad day and are overly sensitive.
Myths about forgiveness dispelled
1. Total forgiveness does not mean restoration of the relationship.
Myth: You must allow them to regain their original position in your life.
There have been people in my life who either did not have a purpose in my life or already filled it and should not be in my life. Every time they failed me, I would forgive them and bring them back in my life. I had to learn that forgiveness did not mean stupidity. I had to learn to love people from a distance. I would forgive them totally but understand that the did not deserve a place in my life.
2. There is no maximum amount of times, just keep forgiving, dont allow bitterness, unforgiveness or resentment to be in your heart.
The Lords Prayer
How many have recited "Forgive us our debts as we forgive those that trespass against us"
Sounds nice and spiritual but what it really means is "Lord the way I do (or dont) forgive people, treat me the same way! Soooo, if we hold unforgiveness, God can not forgive us and we are hindering our faith walk.
Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. You are only hurting yourself. If you have unforgiveness it your heart, release it. Stop thinking about it and stop talking about it. Drop it, leave it and let it go. Do not curse them, nurse it or rehearse it, just let it go!
Yes, you will have feelings but the ultimate measure is what you do with those feelings and how you behave. You may not be able to control the way you feel but you can control what you do. Pass the test.Forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling