Friday, August 19, 2011

Dear God- Day Two

Dear God

Yesterday was an awesome day! I realized how much my mentality changed over a two month period. When I moved back to NY, I was excited about life, the first few months I was settling in, deciding where I wanted to live, possibilities were endless and life was a thrill.

January- I was excited about the new year. I was not waiting to see what the new year would bring me, years don't bring things, I was excited to see what I could bring to the year.
February- I moved in to my new apartment, my first apartment alone in NYC! I absolutely heart my apartment, neighborhood and the peace of living alone.
March- I had my neck stretched out, I was just in expectation for greatness and good things to happen, not only in my life, but for everyone connected to me.
April- I was just on fire, I actually remember being so content and happy with my life that I said to God "if you don't do anything else for me, that's OK- you have already done enough"
May - I don't know what happened, but something changed. I was very happy with my life situation in general, but I was anxious and my peace was disrupted. I was always thinking and analyzing so it robbed me of my joy.
June- June was tough, anyone who knows me, knows that birthdays are huge to me because if you were not born I would not be able to experience you so I celebrate birthdays. This year, I didn't make any plans and I couldn't figure out why. Some friends were worried about me but in retrospect, there could have been a few reasons:
1. For the past two birthdays, I was in China and I celebrated with the five people I was close to, it didn't involve much planning/scheduling, we lived in very close proximity and it was expected that I would celebrate my Chinese birthday (lunar calendar) and then my bday on June 18th
2. Since I was away, maybe I got used to not celebrating with family and people I have developed time with and then those who I got used to (friends from China were IN CHINA) so it was weird to just pick up
3. I didn't feel led to plan, there was no excitement, even though there was no distress and I had a meeting in church that day then church so I was busy anyways
4. I got really close to Daniel and Lori and I wanted them to be apart of the celebration and they were geographically.physically unable to
So that may have been it but that's not why June was tough, it wasn't about age (or all the changes my body and mind went through with said new age)- my faith was being questioned. I started to question a lot of things that I was sold out on but then pondered why I believed them
July - an emotional rollercoaster...period
August - I'm coming up!

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