Friday, October 26, 2012

Dating, Marriage, Sex (and everything in between)

Esther and I attended a panel discussion at Brooklyn Tabernacle, the topic was Dating, Marriage, Sex (and everything in between). Here are some highlights on Christian dating:

What girls wished guys knew about dating....

  1. Prioritize communication over romance ~ focus on deep meaningful communication, ask questions to get to know us, find out what makes us happy, angry, sad ~ that is real romance
  2. We want to be your girlfriend, not your mother ~ be a leader - be worth following; make plans sometimes
  3. Don't be a "playa" ~ guard our hearts, don't drag out a relationship that isn't going anywhere, be honest and open, don't mislead us
  4. Stay away from excess physical pursuits ~ strength is in controlling your emotions, not muscles; your ability to restrain yourself makes us feel honored and valued
  5. Attractiveness = character and authenticity ~that's sexyWhat girls wished men knew about dating...

What guys wished girls knew about dating....

  1. Appreciate our battle against lust ~ don't make it harder, carry yourself like a lady and stick to your standards and boundaries
  2. Don't smother us 24/7  ~ we need our space, if you want to spend every moment with us, it makes you seem clingy, controlling, emotionally needy and makes us feel trapped
  3. Let me be the leader ~ express your opinions, don't be a puppet, be a woman and help with the decisions but let me be the ultimate leader
  4. I would pursue you but you need to stop chasing me ~ you are viewed as easy and desperate  
  5. Find your security in Christ, not in us ~ it is flattering to make us the center of your universe but eventually it becomes a turn off ~ be on fire for God, we don't want to be god in your life

Biblical Purpose for Marriage ~ the original design

  1. Mutually complete each other ~ you can't do apart but you were intended to do together
  2. Multiply a godly legacy ~ pass on faith to the next generation
  3. Mirror God's image ~ be a reflection of God's love (commitment, forgiveness, love, long-suffering)
Steps to prepare for marriage
  1. Turn desire into development ~ become the person you desire to be with
  2. Serve in ministry ~ learn how to serve and put someone else's needs above your own, practice submission and be Kingdom minded
  3. Get around some wise married people ~ ask questions
  4. Don't sleep with someone who is not your spouse ~ this causes an unhealthy attachment  

  1. Develop my convictions or I'll live by default not design. Make decisions based on things that will benefit me and on purity, not on emotions.
  2. Not ALL the time is a good time for a relationship. Get to know myself and God first. Honor old relationships and don't flaunt new relationships ~ the old partner may still be hurting
  1. Determine "what is important to me"
  2. Set standards and stick to them
  3. Set yourself in a position to receive wisdom
  4. Set your private life in public view of a trusted select few 
  1. Keep up with God ~ more action, more belief
  2. Set the past aside so the future can reside
  3. Don't rush a relationship, it may lead to regret, don't awaken love before it desires
Don't go to God with your preferences but with an open and willing heart asking Him to reveal secrets and be sensitive to Him. God is a God of redemption and reconciliation.

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